Day 1

For the past few weeks I have been working on a project.  It all started back in July 2012 when I went out on a medical leave due to extreme anxiety and depression.   There was no one cause for the leave, it was a culmination of several factors that began in September 2011.  My two children went through very difficult phases and work was unbearably stressful so there was no relief on either front.  I suffer chronic migraines and began taking a medication to which I had a very bad reaction.  I also recently found out about a medical condition that caused me to appear unclear, unbalanced and unable to focus.  Add to that the pressure and scrutiny I felt I was being put under at work coupled with a lack of managerial support including being lied about and I quickly spiraled downward. 

 

I was fortunate to have a dear friend fly through Atlanta and plan a stopover to visit with me.  She is a licensed Social Worker and she took one look at me and knew this wasn't going to be a social call.  God ordained this visit and intervention.  While we spoke for almost two hours, she immediately inquired about me being able to leave work or take time off to seek help.  With her encouragement, I called our work assistance program and got set up to see a psychiatrist the following week.

 

My husband and I went to the appointment - one of the worst ever because I got to see how much my illness had been impacting this man who holds everything in and never let's me know how hard it is for him.  When that facade finally is taken down what is left is a very painful picture that I will not paint so as to preserve his privacy.  I may decide to be public about what I went through but I don't have to share his side with the public.

 

At the end of the meeting, the psychiatrist told me she was taking me out of work and I would be put on a series of medications that she would monitor as well as have me attend weekly meetings with a psychologist.

 

It's now 5 months later and I am back at work and things are great.  I am still on my medications and seeing my therapist.  My children are no longer afraid of me and our home life is doing much better.  My husband and I are still healing - he was hurt the worst and it will take time to recover from those wounds and learn how to communicate better to keep this from happening again.

 

The silver lining is that I have been given a story to tell.  During my intense therapy, I used different techniques and did a lot of reading.  I modified the techniques and realized that God was giving me a message to share with others.  Over the past couple of months, he has been providing me scriptures to use for a book.  Some he designates as chapters and others as supporting scriptures.

For years I have felt that the Christian community does not do enough to address mental illness issues, especially using both medicine and doctors as part of the healing process.  I am excited that I will finally get to voice my opinion and combine my past experience in the system and act as an advocate for the system as well as offer a way to use our faith while getting better.  The two do not need to be seperate. 

I took a step of faith today.
 

I started writing that book today.